It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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