Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
