Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
