my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
