tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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