I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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