So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
