I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
