Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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