can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
