Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
