We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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