I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
