He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
