I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
