upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
3 2 1 whiskey
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
