Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
