White coat. Heels.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
