Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
