have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
