last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
