i love accidental penises.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just found puke in my bra..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
