sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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