the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
