I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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