Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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