So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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