this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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