Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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