So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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