omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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