grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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