and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
