Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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