I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
