Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
