He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
