my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
