have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
