God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I did not marry a roomba.
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