she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
