I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
