Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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