Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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