I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
