I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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