She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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