If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
