I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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