Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
